The Florida city of St. Petersburg has a butt graffiti problem. Specifically, someone is drawing three-cheeked butts all over private property, according to a local NBC station. In the poetic words of the Tampa Bay Times, “Three buttocks, formed by four unbroken lines. A simple yet mind-bending design that conjures a police lineup of backsides, or an alien race anatomically different from our own.”
But don’t laugh.
“The bottom line is whoever is doing this is destroying property,” St. Petersburg Assistant Police Chief Jim Previterra said to NBC. “They are marking up the beautiful downtown area of St. Petersburg.” Even though he said “downtown area” and “bottom line,” don’t laugh.
“This is not art. At all,” said one resident of St. Petersburg to NBC. “It’s vandalism.” She was probably crying as she said it, because this is serious.
“It’s causing the city to have to go around behind who this is and clean up,” Previterra said. “And, we have to dedicate more resources to it.” And as far as I’m concerned, my tax dollars should not be going toward wiping butts!
Remember: DO. NOT. LAUGH.
After all, they’re going to catch this vandal, and then they’ll go to jail.
“It’s illegal,” Assistant Chief Previterra said. “In the end, everyone gets their day.” And by “in the end,” he doesn’t mean in the rear end. Because this isn’t funny. At all.